[identity profile] arashikuro.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] blackstormfics
Title: Acceptance
Pairing: Matsumiya
Rating: NC-17
Length: 7223 words
Genre: Romance, Fluff, Smut, Angst
Summary: Jun finally finds the courage to accept himself

It was a well-known fact amongst the Johnny's Jrs. that Nino was into men. He never formally came out or anything, but he made no attempt to hide that he thought that some of the other boys were cute. He would spend breaks flirting around, even if his attempts at hooking up with someone were in vain. He had fun seeing the reactions of the others. For example, Ohno would let him grope him, even if he didn't really like it. Sakurai just avoided Nino. Aiba giggled and jokingly flirted back. And Matsumoto? Whenever Nino flirted with that kid, he would get suspiciously uncomfortable. If Nino placed his hand on Matsumoto, he would jump. If he said that he was cute, Matsumoto would blush madly and nervously look away. Nino thought Jun was probably interested in men too, but just hadn't accepted it.

When Arashi debuted, Jun always stuck to Sho. Nino didn't want to admit it, but he was jealous. Sho was rude, had outbursts, and even told the ever-adorable Jun that he looked like a bug. Nino knew that Sho was irritable due to stress caused by the pressure of his parents, but Nino still couldn't understand why Jun was clinging to someone who was so cruel sometimes. Jun deserved better than that. Then again, Nino didn't know if he was all that much better than Sho.

A few years later, something happened between Jun and Sho. Nino figured it had something to due do with the fact that Jun was totally crushing on Sho, and Sho had no interest in men. They stopped being friendly with each other and only spoke during or about work. They didn't let whatever occurred get in the way of work, so Nino didn't push the subject. Whatever it was that happened, it completely changed Jun. He dropped his goofy character for a serious, cool one, and started hanging out with girls all the time. It was like Jun was a whole new person.

The cool persona only got more intense once Jun was cast in Hana Yori Dango. The drama was a huge success, and lead to Arashi gaining recognition all over Asia. Jun was more full of himself than ever. It hurt Nino to see the once sweet, kind Jun turn into a self centered prick. Sure, Jun was still nice, and he still cared about his bandmates, but his Domyouji character seemed to come out more and more often, even after the filming for season one of Hanadan ended.

It was late 2006, and Jun had accepted the offer to play Domyouji once more in HanaDan Returns. Nino was thankful for the exposure Arashi was getting, but he didn't know if he could handle Domyouji-Jun again. Especially now that Jun was starting to let go of the character. Nino was afraid that Jun would let the role take over his personality again. But thankfully, that wasn't the case at all.

**********************************************************

It was about 12:30AM some time in early 2007 when Nino heard a knock on his door. Nino was pissed. How dare someone interrupt his gaming time? He groaned as he paused his game. If it was some junior trying to drag him out to go drinking he was seriously gonna-
"Jun?"

In front of Nino stood Jun with tears streaming down his face.
"Can I come in?"
"O-of course." Nino was mentally panicking. What on Earth happened to Jun? And why would Jun come to him? Surely Jun had more capable friends who could help him out.

"Sorry to barge in here at this hour, but it's something I can really only talk to you about," Jun said between sniffles.
"Only me?" Nino couldn't think of a single thing Jun could only talk to him about.
Jun nodded.
"What is it?"
"Well-" Jun's tears started flowing harder. "Sorry." He sniffled again.
"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere."
"I've been lying to myself about something for years but I just can't do it anymore," Jun stated, fighting his tears.
Nino looked at Jun, waiting for him to finish.
"I've never told anyone this, but... I-i..." Jun took a deep breath.
"I'm gay."
Nino let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding.

Jun lost the fight to his tears, as he began to sob grossly. Nino wrapped his arms around Jun and held him for a long time.

The next day Nino woke up with a sore back. He let Jun have his bed and the couch did not treat his back well. Nino was playing video games when Jun strolled into the room, looking uncomfortable. Nino figured that Jun was feeling exposed. He had never come out to anyone before, after all.
"Jun, I just want you to know that I'm always here for you. You can come to me if you need anything."
Jun nodded.
"Nino?"
"Yeah?"
"How did you accept that you're gay so easily?"
"Well, it helps that I'm bi."
"Oh." Jun didn't actually know that.
"I can go along with the members when they are talking about girls, and I can answer questions about what kind of girl I like. I imagine it would be harder not to like girls at all in this industry. But anyway, sexuality isn't something you can control. So I figured it was a waste to bother hating myself over it, or to deny it. It won't change, so it's better not to fight it. Though that's easier said than done."
"Have you ever been with a man before?"
"A few times when I was a bit younger. Nowadays it's too risky with our increasing popularity."
Jun sighed.
"Wanna stay for breakfast?"
"You have food?" Jun chuckled, showing a faint smile for the first time since arriving at Nino's place.
"I might have some slightly stale cereal."
"Slightly?"
"Well, we'll see."

It turned out that the cereal was more than slightly stale. So, despite Jun's complaints, they ate cup ramen for breakfast.
"I hate to prod, but what ever happened between you and Sho back in the day?"
Jun almost spit out the broth in his mouth.
"You knew about that?!?"
"Well, it was pretty obvious something happened. You guys even stopped talking."
"But you knew it had something to do with me being...gay?"
"You liked him, didn't you?"
Jun nodded.
"I had figured out that much."
"You knew I was gay?"
"I was pretty certain you liked men, yeah."
"Do you think the others know?"
"Nope. They're too dense. And besides, they're straight. They don't have a gaydar."
Jun rolled his eyes.
"So anyway, what happened with you two?"
"One day he was in one of his moods and he told me that it was gross how I always clung to him. I know he didn't mean it, but I took it to heart. And since I'm gay, I thought that it was particularly disgusting. If he figured out I was gay, he would've been grossed out. So I decided to completely stop hanging out with him. Of course that was stupid of me, but I wanted to stop thinking of him. I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to have those thoughts." It was then that Jun started to cry again.
Nino handed Jun a few tissues.

"Did you ever have a crush on someone in Arashi?"
"Yeah."
"Ohno?"
"No."
"Eh? But you touch him all the time-"
"I love Satoshi, but not like that."
"Then who was it?"
"You."

Nino watched in amusement as Jun's entire world changed.
"Y-You're just kidding, right?"
"No."
"Wha-What? You...Eh? Really?"
Nino laughed.
"Since when?"
"Let's not get bogged down in the details now."
Jun was grinning now.
"No, no, when?"
Nino normally wouldn't go along with this, but seeing the smile on Jun's face, he decided it was best to. Whatever would make Jun happy again.
"Since we were Juniors."
"Eh? That long ago?"
"When I saw you hanging out with Sho, I wanted to kill him."
"Oh my god, I had no idea."
"...Wait, don't tell me... You don't still like me, right?"
Nino wanted to say 'No, I got over it.' But he couldn't. This was his chance.
"Well, I wouldn't say that..."
"You still like me?"
Nino nodded.
"Oh." Jun's expression was serious now.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know."
"How would you have known? Don't apologize."
"And I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same wa-"
"I know. I didn't expect you to. I wasn't even going to tell you. You asked me who I liked after all."
"I know but I feel bad-"
"About what? Don't feel bad."
"You seriously aren't upset?"
"No."
"How are you so strong? If someone I liked flat out rejected me, I'd be pretty sad."
"Like I said, I didn't think you'd magically feel the same." Nino chuckled. "There's no need to worry about me. You need to worry about accepting yourself for who you are."
"I'll work on it."
"Again, I'm always here for you. I know it's not easy."
"Thanks, Nino."

**********************************************************

Jun slowly started to let go of his anxiety after coming out to Nino. He wasn't as afraid about embarrassing himself on TV, and he wasn't forcing his cool character as much. Nino was thankful that Jun was starting to let his true self out again. Nino missed the real Jun.

Aiba, Sho, and Ohno were looking at some magazine in the greenroom while waiting for filming to start.
"She's hot isn't she?"
"Yeah."
"I'd totally fuck her."
Sho and Aiba burst out laughing.
"Jun, look at this girl! Isn't she sexy?"
"Uh, yeah sure..."
"She isn't really your type, right Jun?"
Jun had a look of gratitude on his face.
"No, I guess not."
"Jun, your standards are too high!"
Everyone laughed.


"Thanks, you saved me. Aiba's question caught me off guard."
"No problem."
Nino felt Jun's eyes linger on him for a few seconds too long. Then he suddenly snapped out of it.
"See you tomorrow!"
"See you."

That wasn't the only time that Nino caught Jun looking at him. Every once in a while Nino caught Jun stealing glances at him while pretending to be reading. Nino was wondering why this was.

"Jun, are you okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Did you want to talk about something?"
"Not really. What's this about?"
"I noticed that you keep looking at me, and I wondered if anything happened that you wanted to talk about." Jun blushed.
"Was I looking at you? Sorry, I didn't mean to."
Nino didn't believe that one bit but he went along with it any way. He wondered why Jun was blushing. Could it be... no way. Jun didn't like him back, right? No, Nino was just letting his crush on Jun cloud his thoughts. He really needed to get over it already. There's no way Jun would ever like him back.

"Nino!"
"What." Nino never appreciated being bothered during his lunch break. Because he used that time to play video games.
"Sorry to bother you."
Nino rolled his eyes.
"But you seem to know everything, so I was wondering if you had any idea why Jun is suddenly talking to me more?"
"He's growing up, Sho. He realized that he was wrong to be cold to you. That's all."
"I don't even know why he started to act cold to me to begin wi-"
"Why don't you go ask him if you are so close now?"
Sho's eyes widened at Nino's sudden remark.
"Don't hurt him, Sakurai."
"What? Wait, Nino!"

Nino stormed off. He was pissed. Was Jun seriously falling back into his crush on Sho? Nino sighed. He hated how jealous he felt. Jun was way out of his league anyway. He never had a chance with him.

"Nino. Psst, Nino!" Jun whispered. All five Arashi members were in the greenroom.
"What?"
Jun gestured for Nino to come to him.
"What do you want?"
"Why're you glaring at Sakurai-san?"
"I'm not gla-" Oh. He said Sakurai-san, didn't he? Nino realized that he overreacted. Obviously nothing was going on between Jun and Sho if Jun was still referring to Sho like that. And Sho wasn't even into men! Nino felt bad for snapping at Sho.
"Ah, wait! You're jealous, aren't you?"
"No way! Shut up!"
"Yes you are!" Jun was grinning now.
Nino groaned in defeat.
"There's nothing going on with us. I was just trying to fix our friendship. Because, you know, we're bandmates."
"I know-"
"You owe him an apology, don't you think?" Jun was still smiling.
"I guess so," Nino grumbled, before walking over to Sho.
"Sorry for snapping at you yesterday. I was in a bad mood and I took it out on you."
"Apology accepted. But why did you say not to hurt him? I would never hurt Matsumoto-"
"I said that?"
Sho nodded.
"Weird. I have no idea why I would say such a thing."
Jun burst out laughing. Sho looked at him, confused. Jun completely ignored him.
"Nino, can we talk for a minute after filming?"
"Sure, why?"
Jun shrugged his shoulders before exiting the greenroom.

"What's up?"
"Not much."
"You good?"
"Yeah, I am."
"Look, I'm sorry for getting mad at Sho for no reason and-"
"It's fine, don't worry about it. Your jealousy was cute, after all."
Nino scowled.
"Actually, I brought you here so I could ask you something."
"What is it?"
Jun smiled.
"Will you go out with me?"

PART 2



Date: 2017-05-17 02:52 am (UTC)
yuuki_73: Ninomiya Kazunari (Default)
From: [personal profile] yuuki_73
I love fics about blossoming passions and confessions!!!
this MatsuMiya of yours is adorable!!!
and I don't know why, but a bi Nino is so much more believable to me.

(I am happy that I've found you here!)

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